I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
