I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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