Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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