There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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