i think my tv is drunk
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
