Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
