ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
false alarm, still single
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