Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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