Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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