When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
