My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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