You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
