Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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