It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
even my farts smell like vagina
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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