What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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