I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
