Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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