how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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