it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
