all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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