forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I want to be your penis for a week.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
