it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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