Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
