That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
