Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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