I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
