he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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