is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
