he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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