I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
