Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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