i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
