he puts the penis in happiness.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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