id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
