i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
