walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
