i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
