I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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