im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
