ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
