Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
