You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
