Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's shark week go big or go home
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
