things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
