So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
