i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
