i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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