Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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