So drunk its hurt
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
