people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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