Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
