Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
