We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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