I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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