I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
