Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
