Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I will pee on everything he values.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
