Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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