Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Too much gin, very little bucket
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
