Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
