2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
