I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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