hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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