I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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