Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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