His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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