is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
