After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
